Dear Friend,

In my younger years I didn’t like being alone, I was always with either friends or family, and later in life I was always home with my partner and eventually with my own children. I was never alone.

I loved to be busy, always doing something, going somewhere or just hanging out with a bestie.

Being alone for me meant boring, or lonely, unsatisfying or dull.

What about you? Were you always with friends or family when you were growing up? Spending every waking hour outside school or work with people or somebody?

All I know is that solitude was not my thing.

But over the past couple of years and especially now, I love being on my own! I quite literally crave time in solitude!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my husband (and his patience) and I absolutely love and cherish my grown kids, their partners my gorgeous grandchildren and my family and friends.

I always dreamt of having a big family and being completely surrounded by them day and night. That dream came true and it immensely fills my heart with pride and joy.

However, I have been thinking lately, why is it that now after being blessed with everything I ever wanted that I want to be alone!?

Not all the time, but on the daily! And sometimes I’d be quite happy if I were to spend a month or two all by myself on a deserted island in a little log cabin blissfully in solitude.

Hmm probably not, I’d miss them all too much in about 48 hours and come running straight back…

But then that makes me wonder, why on earth would I even want that deserted island!?

I’ve thought long and hard over this and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…

Would it be because I have been a parent for the last 32 years, always parenting, and if I wasn’t parenting my own children it was my grandchildren, 3 of them born before my youngest was even 18 years of age?

Is it because I have always been providing, comforting, supporting, caring, sustaining, advising and giving everything I could to everyone else this whole time?

Is it because of my working career doing everything for others and being there for everyone…

Or could it be that I’ve suddenly decided that I want to do things for me now, and I need space?

Surely it’s not because I am turning into a grumpy old lady that despises all that lives!

Definitely not!

So little miss ‘I’ll google it’ went searching…

But there didn’t appear to be a midlife biological phenomenon called Bugger Off and leave me alone Syndrome!

I did find some interesting research that might explain pieces of it, but nothing that said, “Yep, that’s it. Midlife women just want to be left alone”

What I truly believe is going on here is, two worlds colliding:

For me, I think decades of responsibility, caregiving, doing, providing and pushing myself are now colliding with midlife.

Changing sleep, changing capacity, changing tolerance to stress, changing emotional sensitivity and the lack of autonomy – aka freedom.

And maybe I’m not the only one experiencing this collision…

After all, our biology is changing, so it does make sense to me that our preferences may change and our tolerance may change as well during midlife…

I think that’s why it feels so bloody good to be alone! And I also think it’s because being alone means no one can ask anything of you!

So now I’m thinking having alone time is like medicine for the soul..

Because honestly, if I remove myself from life for just for a moment or two, okay a few hours.. I come back to the room later a different person, and everyone notices, even I notice! It changes the way I respond, and how much calmer and available I am.

So to me that is a good thing, and that means I must do more of it! Lol

But in all seriousness, if I have to take a step back or spend the day to myself, to release built up tension, to contemplate, to have space to think, or even just the space to breathe and recharge.

I will always give myself permission to that and I will ask of my loved ones to allow me the space.

To me, wanting to be alone isn’t actually about wanting to get away from the people I love. Sometimes I think it’s about wanting, for just a moment, to belong only to myself.

Because let’s face it, for decades somebody has needed something. Children. Partners. Grandchildren. Customers. Employers. Family. Even the bloody neighbour…

Someone always needing an answer, food, comfort, attention, a lift, advice, help, a decision.

But when you close that door.

Nobody needs anything, well they probably do but you can’t hear them…

And for just a little while you don’t have to be anyone’s mum, Nannie, wife, employee, employer, helper, fixer or support person.

You’re just you, remember her?

What does she like to do? What does she want? What does she need?

And now I’m thinking I’m finally realising.

I can love spending time with my loved ones, the people that fill my world. But I can also love having some time alone for myself, with no apologies or guilt.

During midlife and all the mess, maybe some of us need this more than ever, and maybe this craving for space is one way our body is telling us something.

So if you’re anything like me and have been craving a little more solitude lately, and you can’t get past the guilt, please hear me when I say “there’s nothing wrong with needing or wanting alone time.”

All you really need is to be able to give yourself the permission to close that door for a little while and enjoy some peace and quiet for yourself.

Or just tell your family that Ang said so!

Until next week, enjoy some solitude unapologetically…

Ang xx